It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They took my balls.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
