Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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