There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
