A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
