I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
