are you still at the devil's house?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
