If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
