even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize