remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
