Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
