I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
