I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
