I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
