I looked at my own cervix.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How does it feel to date your dad?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
