think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
