Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
