I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize