I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
