I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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