he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
