Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
