so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
