Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
