I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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