bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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