I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
worst night to have a conscience
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
