So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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