ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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