The police scanner is talking about you again....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
