White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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