I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
