You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
