He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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