he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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