she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
