Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
