The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
