i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
