so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
