I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
