Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
