Whod you bang
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
