Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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