if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
