there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So squirting runs in the family.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize