I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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