I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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