Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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