As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
