when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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