good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
