yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
