Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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