im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
