I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize