is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
