I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
