We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
