who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
