we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
too bad you live with your parents still
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
