i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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