Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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