stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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