That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
