I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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