You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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