He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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