So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
