My first STD was from a foam party
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
