no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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