His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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