Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
