I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
