that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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