You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
