so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
where are my eyebrows?
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