Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just invented taco cereal.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think your dad took our porno
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
