she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
