If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
