Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
