Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
