I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
