Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
