we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
