do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
