he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
