You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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