I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
